mgmspeakdating

       When I used to watch Cheers I always wondered what it would be like to have a place where everybody knows my name. Well, apparently I found it. It seems that I have taken many, many dates to my favorite local Indian place.      Not all restaurants are open due to Covid. Mr. Park (named so because our first date was in a park with masks on, oh the fun of Covid) and I were looking for a place after our original destination turned out to be disappointing.       I sighed, "Well, how about Indian food?"      Mr. Park smiled, "I love Indian food."      Of course he does. We walk in and I wonder if they are just doing takeout. Nope. The manager smiles and greets me. "Oh hello Melanie, good to see you again ."      He's now looking past me to my date. He shoots me a knowing look and takes me to my "regular" table.      Now I suppose this restaurant is a good gauge of whether...

        Around a month from now, many of us will be surrounded by family and friends for Thanksgiving. We will have an opportunity to strengthen our relationships. My favorite part of Thanksgiving is being able to thank the people in my life for being there. People come and go, but those that remain are precious. I want to be sure that they always know that.                 What do you offer the people in your life? Are your relationships authentic? Overcoming superficiality in relationships requires dropping your walls and being willing to share yourself with others. This isn't just for romantic relationships. This includes friends and family as well.       Ok, the post is done.           Well, it's not that simple. You see, being willing to let people see your true self involves risk. There is a risk of rejection, risk of judgment, and risk of being hurt. It is so mu...

       I don't like to get up early,      I prefer the cover of night      I don't know when you like me      I really don't know when I like you      I see black and white and refuse to see gray      I'm closed, yet I want to be open      I want nothing, but I want to be swept away         in romance      Kiss me so that I can pull close and run away      I know I'm unloveable,      but can't you find me charming?      I speak with barbed tongue and expect you           to reply,      but the only reply will ever be       good-bye.  

Photo by Kat Jayne from Pexels The divorce was just the beginning. Once I had the courage to move on from that, I moved on to other experiences. This is not easy to write. Writing this is exposing deeper feelings that I would normally keep to myself. The only reason that I do it is that I know out there may be someone who may need to hear this. I have been reading a lot of Brene Brown. She speaks of being willing to step into the arena. I get that. When we are willing to open ourselves to others, we are made vulnerable. I think a point that she misses is that we step into the arena to win. If you lose every time, how willing are we to keep fighting? When you spend a lifetime with someone, they know you well. My ex told me that I would be easily replaced and that I would have great difficulty finding connections for myself. At the time I laughed. I thought he was ridiculous. How could anyone resist charming me? Apparently, they all can. I went on many dates with ...

  Photo by Mahkeo on Unsplash       I have been casually seeing someone since October. I recently asked him when he last was in love. He told me it was long ago. That really helped me understand why he hasn't been married, why his relationships end. All these women were in relationships with a man who didn't love them. Who would stay, knowing that? I quietly closed my heart to the possibility that love would ever grow there. I understood.       What we have is not planted in solid ground to grow. It is more like the wind. We feel the breeze blow across us, making us smile because it feels good. Teasing us with its transitory dance, it refuses to stay. We can not predict when it will come and go. We can enjoy the moment, but it is only a point in time. Wind turbines can capture the power of the wind, but I do not have that power.       I like this one. He's cute. He plays role-playing games and loves to cook. We share those...

  Photo by  Vera Arsic  from  Pexels I normally write very positive posts. Well, not tonight. Many times when I was considering divorce I thought to myself, "Yeah, but dating is worse than what I am putting up with." I wish that I could say that I was wrong. The one thing everyone I know who has been on online dating sites agrees on is how terrible many of the experiences are. I force myself to get out there so that I don't become a hermit, but it's not pretty out there. If you are new to online dating, I'm going to help you out by sharing my perceptions so far. It has been unpleasant enough for me to consider backing away altogether, but for now, I will stay in the game. I may have a few teeth missing and I may have been knocked down a few times, but I am a scrapper. 😁 One challenge is figuring out what I want and what my date wants. I think I can best describe what I'm looking for a connection and depth without an immediate commitment. I wan...

  Tinder again.....providing years and years of blogging material. Don't worry Bumble, you're next.      I experienced the absolute best kiss-off that I have ever heard. I have to tell him it was a job well done! It was.....blogworthy. 😘 A really hot and rather nice guy who was actually in my age range posted that he wanted to spend New Year's Eve by having a fabulous dinner and attending a concert, Gogol Bordello. I was super excited because I love that band. I had just missed seeing them in Denver. We met for lunch the day before the concert and yes, he passed my strict "will I spend time with you" guidelines. I must have passed his as well.      We met on New Year's Eve. He looked great. I was dressed up too. Dinner was absolutely fantastic. Honestly, I have not been to a place that nice in a while. I have never been taken someplace that nice because my ex was and ever will be a starving artist. If I wanted dinners like that, I would have...

  Photo by Aron Visuals on Unsplash What is the use of living in the past? I try to live in the present mindfully and I plan for the future carefully. Once in a while, I allow a quick peek into the past. Sometimes you can bring something from there that has a new value. A friend of mine describes that as "finding something new in something old." I was thinking about dating and specifically the boyfriend I had before I met the one that I married. I call him nature boy, but his name is Kurt.      Why is Kurt on my mind? I was thinking of all of the ways that Kurt brought me out of my comfort zone. I did not appreciate him when we were dating. I had to wait many years after the fact to appreciate him. We broke up amicably. It was the best thing for all involved, but here are a few lessons I learned from Kurt that I am taking into my future.      I grew up in a household where we did not do active things. I did not hike, camp, ski, or do much of anyt...

  Photo by  Kourosh Qaffari  from  Pexels I am getting questions about dating.      Why not date? My divorce is not final yet. One of the reasons I asked for the divorce was so that I could end the relationship with integrity before I would ever pursue another.      Once the divorce is final, one of my friends wants me to go on a singles cruise next year. I predict that this would result in a sock on the door and me sitting out on the deck with a glass of wine and hopefully a good book sending out my best "don't come near me" vibe as my friend is having the time of her life. I would be happy for her. I would not be the one with the sock on the door.      This is how it works for me. I have been truly attracted to only a few people over my entire lifetime. I absolutely must be connected with someone deeply in order to have an authentic intimate relationship. There has to be honesty. There has to be beauty within that p...

  Have you ever lost yourself in something or someone? I think most people have at one time or another. You go into a situation and you start out having total control over yourself. You are the observer. As time passes you begin to sink into the situation. Your ego is slowly lost as the other elements come in and begin to possess the self. This could be a substance or a person. They are both dangerous in their own ways. The danger is the addictive qualities all of these things can possess. In some ways, we like the ability to lose ourselves. Suddenly the ego is no longer in the way and life looks a lot different.       It can be thrilling when our ego is reduced. No longer are we worried about whether we are superior or inferior to others. When the ego takes a back seat suddenly we are able to embrace experiences that we may normally be closed off to. You may see parts of you that you want to change. You may see things in your life that can be altered to ma...

  How many times have you been tol d, it's not personal, it's just business. This is a very frustrating comment when it is about something personal, like dating. But hold on.....dating has become just like a business. I know this sounds crazy, but let's explore this concept. Congratulations, you are about to embark on a dating app adventure. You select your best photos to catch the eye of possible connections. Apparently, there really is a science to this process. I don't think it's supposed to involve dead fish, but someone apparently needs to tell the guys this sad fact. You need head shots. You need body shots. You need to make sure that the photos are recent. You need to keep your ex out of the picture. I'm pretty sure that it would be like using your current employer's letterhead on your resume. You fill out a few paragraphs that describe you. You only get so much space, so make it count. Now, I know we are moving along swiftly with this...