Women and Men

 


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I normally write very positive posts. Well, not tonight. Many times when I was considering divorce I thought to myself, "Yeah, but dating is worse than what I am putting up with." I wish that I could say that I was wrong. The one thing everyone I know who has been on online dating sites agrees on is how terrible many of the experiences are. I force myself to get out there so that I don't become a hermit, but it's not pretty out there.
If you are new to online dating, I'm going to help you out by sharing my perceptions so far. It has been unpleasant enough for me to consider backing away altogether, but for now, I will stay in the game. I may have a few teeth missing and I may have been knocked down a few times, but I am a scrapper. 😁
One challenge is figuring out what I want and what my date wants. I think I can best describe what I'm looking for a connection and depth without an immediate commitment. I want to wait a while after my divorce before getting serious with anyone. I have encountered a range of goals in potential matches. I have seen everything from wanting a hookup to seeking marriage.
I do better when I don't have to deal with ambiguity. If it's a hookup, then don't get emotionally involved with me. If it's a fwb that doesn't mean call me over and never see me again. If you want a real relationship, then tell me and back up your words with actions. Unfortunately, this is not how it works. The lines are unclear and that's when the "suck" happens. You go into a situation expecting it to be as defined and then you get surprised.
It gets tricky because some guys say "no hookups" and then they proceed to take the inevitable picture of their bare torso in the bathroom. To me, that says "I'm most definitely looking for a hookup." I went out with a guy looking for a hookup, but he was very sweet and tender. It felt like having a boyfriend, but that was not the case. My apologies to him, I wasn't ready at that point for the hookup. I went out with someone else who expressed interest in seeing me again and when I pursued that, he freaked out It turns out that he actually didn't want to see me again and he just couldn't tell me.
On top of ambiguous rules, we have certain behaviors that seem to be prevalent. There are meeters and there are texters. The meeters want to see you in person. The texters want to text and text. The meeters rarely ask for photos and the texters ask for and provide numerous photos. I don't mean to pick on millennials, because I generally like them, but they seem to be the big texters. It's odd. It seems silly to just text and never meet in person. I suppose that is a very safe and convenient relationship option! 😄
I think my biggest complaint is the lack of communication and follow through. A friend of mine was supposed to meet a guy at a mid-distance spot from her place that was still a 45-minute drive. She arrived at the venue and he wasn't there. She texted him and he told her he couldn't make it. It would have been courteous to let her know before she left! I have had several guys seem interested, we talk a bit, and then they suddenly unmatch me. The decision that we aren't compatible is fine, it's the abruptness that takes some getting used to.
If you are joining the world of online dating, ya gotta have grit.

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