It's Not Personal, It's Just Business

 

How many times have you been told, it's not personal, it's just business. This is a very frustrating comment when it is about something personal, like dating. But hold on.....dating has become just like a business. I know this sounds crazy, but let's explore this concept.

Congratulations, you are about to embark on a dating app adventure. You select your best photos to catch the eye of possible connections. Apparently, there really is a science to this process. I don't think it's supposed to involve dead fish, but someone apparently needs to tell the guys this sad fact. You need head shots. You need body shots. You need to make sure that the photos are recent. You need to keep your ex out of the picture. I'm pretty sure that it would be like using your current employer's letterhead on your resume.

You fill out a few paragraphs that describe you. You only get so much space, so make it count. Now, I know we are moving along swiftly with this analogy, but don't actually post your resume. This job is to apply for someone to spend some of your personal time with. If you talk shop too much, it may become more like a coffee with a coworker than a date. You then find a connection. You pick out the ones that are outstanding to you. I always read profiles and if there are only photos and no text, to me it's like receiving a resume with gaps. Before you meet in person, your resume will be reviewed until you are selected for screening (in this case a mutual screening). You may text. You may call. If all goes well, you may go out for a first interview.

Do you think about how you dress for your date just as you would a job interview? Yes, you do! You show up and check out your date. Are they neat and clean? Are they stylish? Are you getting a weird vibe? Really these are all things you may be looking for in a job candidate. You ask many questions to try to gauge a personality match. Assuming a solid skillset, it's important to have a good personality match. You might ask the tough questions to see how they handle the pressure. OK, maybe not everyone does that, but I sure do!

What if one interview isn't enough? You may have several interviews in different venues. Every time you think you did OK, and you might get feedback like "You'll be hearing from me really soon." I have heard that from employers before. You may brag to all of your friends, "Oh yeah, it went really well." That may not be the case. Sometimes you don't know how you did until you get the call.

One example I can think of where I misread the date was one where we had a great conversation, but the date ended with a lackluster hug. I assumed that I didn't get the job as a future date. I thanked him for his time and I informed the gentleman that his hugging skills were in need of repair. Hey, I am a fan of feedback. I was not expecting his reply. He was actually interested in setting up another interview. He totally got the job as a future date. 😉

When you don't get the job, treat it as you would a job. Hey if you get ghosted, remember that when you apply for jobs most of the time you will not get a rejection letter! Do you need to work on your skills or was it just a bad fit? It's OK. Don't beat yourself up because you didn't hit it off. The entire process is not personal until you really get to know someone. You can keep applying. You wouldn't want to take the wrong position for you. Hang in there and keep applying until you find your dream job.