Soft to be Strong
Around a month from now, many of us will be surrounded by family and friends for Thanksgiving. We will have an opportunity to strengthen our relationships. My favorite part of Thanksgiving is being able to thank the people in my life for being there. People come and go, but those that remain are precious. I want to be sure that they always know that.
What do you offer the people in your life? Are your relationships authentic? Overcoming superficiality in relationships requires dropping your walls and being willing to share yourself with others. This isn't just for romantic relationships. This includes friends and family as well.
Ok, the post is done.
Well, it's not that simple. You see, being willing to let people see your true self involves risk. There is a risk of rejection, risk of judgment, and risk of being hurt. It is so much easier to navigate life with shields up. All it takes are a few negative experiences to build the neural pathways in our brain that tell us to be careful and not open up again.
But...you really should.
Protecting yourself from being hurt doesn't make you strong. You may feel strong because you are impervious to pain, but a lack of pain is not the same thing as strength. You are denying yourself the greatest human experience. A lack of pain is also a lack of real love and connection.
When you are soft and kind, people are not used to it. We learn early on how to be skeptical when people do nice things for us. You may need to assure the people you open up to that you are being authentic and that you have no ulterior motive. You expect nothing in return, though you hope to gain love and authenticity from those you give it to.
Showering people with love opens yourself up to be thought of as weak, but it takes strength to give love honestly and openly. It takes strength to know that you may be deeply hurt in the process. If the outcome is not painful, then it is completely worth the risk. You will have a relationship that is deep and rewarding. Be like the little girl holding the fluffy bunny. She is not jaded by her experiences and openly exposes her love and compassion to all.
If you do end up getting hurt, it takes a heart of steel to overcome it again and again. Embrace your steel heart and maintain your softness in a harsh world.
True strength comes from willing to be vulnerable. Do check out the video at the end. Brene Brown says it much better than I can.
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