Love Is...
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Ask someone what love is. It is like asking someone to describe what spirituality is. So many people will give so many different answers.
As I sit waiting to see Death Cab for Cutie, I think of the line from What Sarah Said. That "love is watching someone die". I think that is profound and true. If you have ever been at home or in a hospital room holding someones frail hand as they smile bravely, waiting to die, it truly is love. Nobody wants to be there, but that is the most selfless love. I think we all will be there one day.
The definitions from the kids in the link below are incredible. My current favorite, "love is what makes you smile when you're tired." I am fortunate to have people who make me smile when I'm tired. Many of those people are friends and family! Every day I thank them in my heart, and sometimes too frequently in person! 😉
I would like to take a moment to focus on romantic love because that is the love that I can't seem to define. I'm not sure that many people can. I've heard it's passion, but I've also heard that it's more like a feeling that grows over time like a garden.
I may not be able to define what I think love is. If it came tap dancing through the door on fire, I might miss it, but I sure can tell you when it's bad!
If your energy is being spent trying to mold yourself into someone's ideal partner, that's not love (for more on that, please see my post on Narcissists). Many people do that and when it ends, they do it again and again. Narcissists are as charming as they are dangerous.
If you don't communicate, that's bad love. Communication is the key to all successful relationships. It is how you can better understand what you and your partner need. It is how you can identify areas that need work in your relationship. It's how you discover new things about each other when you are in the relationship for the long haul. It's how you build intimacy. Your partner should be your best friend. You can tell your best friend anything!
If you are not supported by your partner, that is going to disappoint you. Your partner is supposed to be your biggest cheerleader. Even if you get constructive feedback from your partner, in the end he/she should support your choices. If you have to hide things from your partner or vice verse, any love you do have will be destroyed by that. Honesty isn't for sissies, but it IS for people who want a real relationship.
If you never think about your significant other, and they don't think of you, that may be apathy. Yes, apathy is also bad. Your person should thrill and amaze you! If they don't, you are likely settling. Who needs that? Life is exhilarating, shouldn't love also be that way? In the back of your mind you will always know that you settled for less than what you wanted. I have had people tell me that that it's okay to settle, but I don't believe that for a minute. I am not talking about finding perfection, I am talking about finding the person who makes your world so much better every day. The beauty of that is that the person just has to be the perfect match for you, not a perfect person!
Many people have profited from the idea of romantic love. People want to experience love and they will pay to find it. Tinder made $800 million in revenue in 2018. Hey, I'm not sure if people are looking for "love" on Tinder, but several of my friends met their partners on there. I have met several lovely people on there, so who am I to criticize having to pay to find those connections?
Flowers, hallmark shows, cards, chocolates, dinners, getaways, and of course, weddings have all become shorthand images for love, but love doesn't really need any of that stuff. Love just needs people who want to connect and who are willing to drop their layers of protection to fully experience the person/people standing before them ready to offer the gift of the self.
I know love is so much more than I have written. It's a beautiful part of the human experience. When you think you are ready for it, it will play hide and seek. Love arrives like a tap on the shoulder when you are busy focused on other things.
You may say, "go away love, I'm busy."
Love will not listen. When love finally arrives, it is persistent. Love creates happiness in a way that feels like nothing else. Okay love, if you insist, you can stay.
Is romantic love the invisible thread we cannot touch? Is it, like spirituality.....a question of faith?
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